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NickyR -

Hello again,

I didn't actually pick my family - I just gave them a list of criteria and asked them to pick
someone for me. It's kind of difficult to know how significant the criteria I gave were for them.
I think I asked for a family with achild (thinking I probably have about the same vocab as a 2
year old), which I didn't get, but it wasn't really that important to me and I didn't make a big
thing about it, so it was no problem that that didn;t happen. They eventually put me with a couple
who are about the same age as me - which has worked out really well. I have no idea whether they
are featured on the website, and I don't remember being specifically asked whether I wanted a
family featured there. But I think they say that you can ask for a family on there if they look
good to you.

One slightly annoying thing is that they don't tell you who you've been matched with until a week
before you arrive (they state this quite clearly on their site, but I still found it a bit
annoying). They say it's because things change and they don't want to get people matched up, for
it only to fall apart at the last minute. However, my host sister(? Not sure what word to use
here?) found out she was pregnant about a week after I arrived - so I guess that's the sort of
thing that might make people pull out - so maybe it's all for the best.

As for the language - we muddle through on Chinese and English, mostly CHinese. They do speak a
bit of English (I think I asked for this as I was essentially a beginner (2 months worth of
lessons in Honkers 2 years ago and absolutely nada since then) when I arrived and thought it would
be too difficult without it). They don't really tend to use it - they're much more likely to speak
slowly in CHinese to me. She, in particular, will think of different Chinese words to use when I
don't understand something, rather than resorting to English. However, if we are having an
interesting conversation that goes beyond my level, but I still want to participate in, I will say
it in English (sometimes they understand and sometimes they don't), and they'll tell me how to
make that point in Chinese (which I invariably forget). They have recently started this thing when
they test me on the vocablulary I didn't undertand at dinner the day before. It's horrid for me,
as I always forget, and he always remembers the English equivalent I taught him, but it is good
for me!

I think it has helped my Chinese a lot when I compare myself to my classmates who live in the
dorms/flats. I think I understand a lot more, and I am more comfortable with standard speed of
speech (I certainly understand a lot more than I can say). Or perhaps it is just that I am much
more comfortable listening to sentences of which I can only grasp about 50% of. For example, when
our teacher asks us a question, my classmates (who are basically the same level as me) tend to
clarify what was asked in English before answering, whereas I am perfectly happy to just bash out
an answer. I think this is a good skill to develop because in real life you can't clarify in
English before answering. I am also more willing to speak Chinese I think. I'd love to say that my
pronunciation is great, but it's still dreadful. However, it may well have been more dreadful if
I'd not been living with a family!

One slightly difficult thing is that they don't correct me. TO them learning a lnaguage is about
communication, so if they understand the point I've made, they won't tell me if my word order was
wrong. or my tones were muddled etc. I agree that communication is key, but I start to learn my
mistakes so that they sound natural - a dangerous path methinhks. So if you want them to correct
you, make sure you make that very very clear from the start...

A lot of people worry that they will be English teachers to the family. There is definitely no
expectation of that, so I assume Lotus make that clear to the families. However, I suppose I do
"teach" them sometimes, in the sense that we often compare the 2 languages. My host brother (??)
is actually going to have English lessons next week, and I'm sure I'll help him with homework. I
don't begrudge this at all - they are not meant to be my Chinese teachers, but I still ask them to
explain things to me.

I think a lot of families do the homestay because CHinese people often don't have very much
opportunity to go abroad, so this is a way to find out about different cultures. So, depending on
your level of Chinese, I would perhaps go over some vocab which will help you talk about your home
culture when you arrive. This will make dinner conversations a lot less tou teng inducing...

The cultural exposure is the best thing about it though really. Eating rice prrodge for breakfast,
going for san bu aroud the flat after dinner (sanbu was a word I could remember from Hong Kong,
but I had never really appreciated its cultural significance before accompanying my family;s ba ba
on a sanbu the other night), and all that kind of thing. My homestay sister's parents have come to
live with us for the next few months to help out now that she's pregnant (itself a very Chinese
thing to happen), and I'm hoping that, come the winter, mama is going to teach me how to cook
Chinese food.

I have lots of hilarious stories regarding cultural and linguistic differences which I can share
with you if you wish. They might make you feel more at ease about the potential difficulties
attached to the homestay experience. But you'll no doubt get your own soon!

Let me know if there's anything else you want to know.

Nicky


Other things I've remembered:

They give you a sim card and a dictionary when you arrive as well. I didn't get one on homestay
only, but you would as part of the programme.

I think I met someone who is doing the tutoring programme and she has lessons at her host family's
home.



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NickyR -

Oh dear - look at the size of that post! Droning again. Roddy may regret giving me the green light
on that one!










imron -

Board space is cheap, and this thread is nowhere near as long as some of our longer running ones.
Don't worry about clogging up board space so long as it's staying on topic All of this stuff
provides useful information for people trying to find out about homestays.










roddy -

Absolutely. Tthis stuff is golddust - nay, gold nuggets - to anyone considering a homestay, and
plenty of people who aren't will still find it interesting to read some thoughts about living with
a Chinese family. And if anyone is disinterested, they don't have to read it. Seriously, you could
be writing that length of stuff on your daily activities and people would be reading it.










adrianlondon -

NickyR - great post!

Did you at any time feel uncomfortable eating all the food they cooked, or stuf they bought for
you from food stalls etc, without contributing directly financially? Or is the whole set-up with
Lotus such that you know they've already been adequately recompensed?










NickyR -

Ah good question! This is a bit of an issue for me at the moment. I basically don't know how the
money side of it works - and I really want to for exactly the reasons you pointed out. So I have
no idea how much they are recompensed for my stay - if, indeed, they are recompensed at all.

It's not necessarily something I feel I can criticise Lotus itself for, because I don't really
think that they have a particular duty to tell me about the financial arrangements that they have
with their host families. However, as I said, I would like to know.

So far, I have dealt with it in the following manner. I have basically treated Lotus as an
"agency" going between me and the host family, seeing it as being much like a business
arrangement. SO I accept that my side of the deal is that I pay cash to Lotus, and their side of
the deal is that they provide me with a room and two meals a day. I therefore don't feel "guilty"
(on a day-to-day basis) that my family buys the food on a day-to-day basis. I think this is made a
little easier by the fact that:

a) My family is reasonably well-off. They live in a nice apartment and certainly are not poor. I'm
not saying that I think that makes it OK if I am sitting here getting fat on their hard earned
cash, but I do think I would have felt really uncomfortable if I was so obviously much better off
than them (in raw terms, I probably am; but in relative terms, they are definitely more successful
than me!). At least I know they can afford to have me..

b) We are all flexible about the food issue. For instance, they are meant to “provide” me with
breakfast and dinner. But I get up a lot earlier than them to get to school. So I make my own
breakfast every morning (although they provide the food).

c) They don’t do anything else for me. They are really helpful, but what I mean is that they are
not my servants! I do my own clothes washing etc. To a very great extent, we are people who live
together, but just happen to have a different arrangement when it comes to food.


However, the situation still makes me feel a little awkward. I think the downside of the
arrangement is that I still feel like a guest in the house. I have on occasion been allowed to
wash up (if he’s out I always do the washing up, but when he’s in he won’t let me and makes
me go sit and chat with his wife – obviously more enjoyable than washing up but it does mean I
feel much more like a guest than a member of their family!). He told me yesterday, when I hijacked
the washing up gloves, that in China guests aren’t allowed to lift a finger, but I replied by
saying that I wasn’t really a guest anymore because I’m staying such a long time, so I should
act like a family member and doing the washing up.


So basically, I think what I am saying is two things.

1. The arrangement does make me feel a bit uncomfortable, but I am trying to be a grown-up about
it and to remember that I am paying money for this service; that they are intelligent people who I
am sure will have known exactly what they were letting themselves in for when they signed up for
the scheme; and that in every other aspect I think that Lotus’ “expectations management” has
been effective, so I see no reason to assume that this is any different here.

2. However, I also think that the arrangement to some extent prohibits my assimilation into the
family. I am treated more like a guest than a family member. Perhaps less of an issue if you are
doing a two week stay than if you are, as I am, here for 5-6 months.


NB – I should point out that domestic chores are the only real way that I don’t feel like a
family member: they take me with them when they go visiting parents and other family members every
other weekend etc, and I went out for dinner with them all when a family friend was visiting from
South China.


In terms of my opinions about what they should be paid for having me, I don’t really know. I
certainly don’t expect that all the money I give to Lotus goes to them – or even that it
should go to them. I think that my opinions on this may differ from some people in this area? I
accept that Lotus is a business (albeit with some charitable objectives), and that they are
providing a service that otherwise would not have been available for me. It is a reasonably
sizeable organisation, with offices in China and the US, and staff who, presumably, all want to be
paid! I do not expect that all my cash should go to the family I am staying with….

I should point out at this point that while I have never previously done a homestay, my own family
hosted homestay international students throughout my childhood. I think this experience has
probably coloured/managed my expectations regarding homestays. We had students for as long as a
year at a time, from the US and from various countries in Europe (I wrote about it briefly
somewhere on this forum). My parents never received any money for the homestay from the agencies
who organised it – and I expect the students paid a good deal for it. So I am very familiar with
the financial side of similar arrangements, and am less surprised by the commercial baseline of
homestay organisations than some people probably are.

However, I think that part of the reason even I see the situation in China as being slightly
different is the fact that China is a developing economy. I would feel more comfortable about
staying with, say, an American family and them not receiving any of my agency money than I do in
China. It almost seems a little grotesque that comparatively rich westerners arrive in China,
paying vast amounts of money for the privilege of an “authentic” Chinese experience, for which
the locals receive very little - perhaps analogous to the tours of impoverished towns undertaken
by rich westerners in air-conditioned 4 x 4s, marvelling at how cute they are because they wash
their clothes in a stream. I think this is probably a philosophical point that I completely
unequipped to deal with. It is also not really any reflection of my experience. As I said, my
family are comparatively well-off, and, like most Westerners, I have definitely “assimilated”
into (if I’ve assimilated at all!) middle-class Chinese life.

Nevertheless, I would like to think that the family would get an allowance for the “average”
cost of 14 meals a week, plus the extra expense of having an extra person in the house: water,
electric, inconvenience etc. This is of course considerably less than I pay – a fact that basic
maths allowed me to work out before I arrived in Beijing. (By the way I do pay on a week-by-week
basis: I didn’t pay a lump sum for a placement). I knew and accepted all of these things before
I arrived – so I do not feel I have any right to feel disgruntled about it now.

I have been developing cunning plans to try to find out about the financial arrangements between
Lotus and the family. These have ranged from asking either Lotus or my family directly (sounds
like it could potentially go horribly wrong – I’m not well enough versed in Chinese culture to
know how to phrase this question without causing offence), to asking them to help me transfer
money to Lotus for the next leg of my tour. I once managed to say that more westerners would like
to do homestays, but most found them too expensive, which they seemed to agree with, perhaps
suggesting they do get some money? Any cultural insights would be gratefully appreciated on this
point…

For now, I am content with the fact that we are all (my family and I) enjoying the experience of
having me stay. I don’t mean this in an arrogant way at all: my Chinese is simply not good
enough to dazzle them with my sparkling personality, even if I had one…. I just meant that they
are so interested in basic aspects of life in the UK (like what we eat, what we do after dinner,
do we watch TV etc) that I think they enjoy our broken conversations. They know they always have
free accommodation if they ever do travel to the UK. They seem to find my inability to use
chopsticks, my accidental reference to genitalia at the dinner table, and even the day when I
flooded the flat with my ineffective washing machine usage all very funny! I feel very privileged
to be living with them and privileged that I am in a position to afford it (thank-you dear
company!).

I won’t make any more comments about the horrid length of the post(s!) – I’ll just assume
you’ll tell me to stop if it’s dull!

Off to eat me dinner now. Another afternoon of character learning successfully avoided – thanks
Chinese forums!










sthubbar -

FYI, your host family is being paid by Lotus. Furthermore, in China is most usually culturally
acceptable to talk about money. It is not uncommon for then to ask what each other makes, how much
their house cost, or how much it is costing to send one's friend's kids to school.

PS mscott, sure you can contact me if you have questions about coming to Beijing. Better yet,
search here then if you can't find the answers, post your questions here and let everyone benefit.










gato -



Quote:

I have been developing cunning plans to try to find out about the financial arrangements between
Lotus and the family. These have ranged from asking either Lotus or my family directly (sounds
like it could potentially go horribly wrong – I’m not well enough versed in Chinese culture to
know how to phrase this question without causing offence), to asking them to help me transfer
money to Lotus for the next leg of my tour.

You could ask if they had others doing home stay with them, how did they find out about Lotus,
etc. If they are not deliberately trying to be mums about the financial arrangement, it'll come
out.

I did a home stay in Mexico one time arranged by the language school I was studying at. The family
I stayed with was a regular with the home stay program and was getting a share of the fees I paid
the school. And it was a great experience.










gato -



Quote:

Off to eat me dinner now. Another afternoon of character learning successfully avoided – thanks
Chinese forums!

You should get PlecoDict. Its flashcard program makes learning characters almost fun.
http://pleco.com/










cdn_in_bj -

Again, thanks for sharing your experiences with us. I have always been interested in knowing how
these homestay experiences work as well as work out for the participants.

It seems that there are two things that are bothering you the most:

1) Your guilt that you may be inadvertently taking advantage of them, or at least being a
financial burden on them

2) That you are treated as a guest in their home and they don't let you do chores?

To the first point, like you said your agreement with the homestay company was that you would be
provided these meals. The family obviously knows and has agreed to this too.

Also, your host family is probably a lot better off than you realize. What kind of jobs do the
parents have? I would guess that, based on the fact that they live in a decent apartment here in
Beijing, they are wealthier than 99% of the population in China. And I'm not exaggerating here
either.

Finally, how they are compensated is really none of your concern (and I think you realize this
too). Also, the compensation may be just a very small reason why they decided to join this
program, especially if it is not that much at all. It sounds like they are enjoying the
arrangement, and like you said they also get to experience a different culture right in their
home. What's so bad about this? That said, Chinese do tend to be surprisingly direct and open
about monetary issues (ie - salaries, cost of home, etc.) so you probably will find out about this
anyways.



Quote:

It almost seems a little grotesque that comparatively rich westerners arrive in China, paying vast
amounts of money for the privilege of an “authentic” Chinese experience, for which the locals
receive very little

If you really feel that way, then you should visit one of the poorer provinces where a farming
family's annual income might only amount to 2000 RMB. Yes, that's right - annual income. You have
no reason to feel like this towards your Beijing apartment-dwelling host family. Also, the
homestay company and its staff are benefitting from you business, aren't they?

As to your second part, yes it is true that Chinese tend to be very generous to towards their
guests, especially foreigners. It's true that it is considered awkward/embarrassing if a guest is
allowed to do chores, but it sounds like you have moved past that stage. However, I'm not exactly
sure what you are trying to achieve here. If it's just the chores that are bothering you, perhaps
during one of your cultural discussions with the family you can mention the fact that in western
culture it is considered polite of the guests to help out with the chores. And also that doing so
here will make you feel more at home rather than being away from it?



Quote:

my accidental reference to genitalia at the dinner table

Let me guess - did it perhaps have something to do with chicken?












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